Category:Books

The following are excerpts from the Bowling NIghts Epic, 'Hol Horseboy'.

Putrid Prologue (Important context)

It was a beautiful day in Burbank, Wiki. All was well UNTIL Goro Majima rated, M for mature, the civil council of Burbank's sewers to death.

YOU the reader were the only witness to this. As such, Goro approached you and tried to act pharmacist and said, “Now that I got that out of my system, lunch?”

The guitar rift of "Should I Stay Or Should I Go" by The Clash plays as Goro pulled a potato chip bag over your head, the last words you hear before being knocked out were, “You’re going to love this KIRYU-CHAN!”

This however had nothing to do with our story. For our TRUE story was on Goro’s quest for fame while doing absolutely nothing.

-Trapter One-

“This. Is. HARD!” Goro, threatening suicide, said as he slumped in his lazy boy and caressed his costumed Harley Quinn MLP doll. As he did so his milky eye lit up and with his goblin-esk index finger wagging in the air Goro announced a horrible, terrible, diabolically diabetic plan.

“THIS time! I’ll gather an army of FIFTY Tojo Clan members to do my beatings for me! It cannot possibly fail with such a workforce!” Goro decreed.

Goro went into his patented fetal bitch ball position and rolled out of his chair, down the hall and into the kitchen where his chromebook (totally not stolen from school he swears) lays dormant. Clapping and rubbing his hands together Goro logged in using his password: Password.

Within mere weeks the Task Force had been assembled and Goro summoned these 50 disciples to his sacred lolicon oriented discord server, “I have summoned you dear followers to help me, the great GORO from Part 3 onward, to create the world’s most RADICAL and PROFOUND nightclub so that I may once and for all cuck the KAMVILLE Bloodline!”

The 50 disassociated pals silently shuffled, uncomfortable and not entirely getting, or caring of the situation, the only sound to break the silence was the booming thud of an old dug up casket emerging from the ceiling, upon impact against GOROS Wendy's wrapper littered floor the caskets door unhinged and revealed who else, the hog tied and gagged true heir of the Majima trash bin, Kiryu CHAN.

“Nani?” GORO tried to say like a loli (not really sure why he would do this).

Kiryu broke free to announce, “My TRUE name is Kazuma Kiryu!” And thus gored the makeshift army of trannies and /pol/ users.

“But WHHHYY!?” GORO bitched.

“BECAUSE!” KIryu said, “it’s a metaphor for how WE continually hurt yourself through these petty exploits.”

Kiryu then approached the sniveling GORO with an open armed embrace.

“Now, let us merge life force and reach 100% productivity once more.”

Hugging his ghoulish counterpart, the two began to glow a heavenly light until a record scratch was audibly heard, Kiyru CHAN stumbled back in shock, looking down he saw his stomach and kidney was now missing, a large glory hole in the organs place, looking back at GORO he saw the imp waving his prized and powerful COPY right in his York Peppermint Patty stained hands.

Tractor 2

“Hold, GORO,” said an aged and humble voice. It was none other than the Native American Walking Erection--Mr. Libido.

The wiseman walked into the chamber and cradled the dying KIryu in his well toned arms against his beefy chest.

“W-Why wiseman?” Kiryu stammered blood spewing from his prostate and also mouth.

“Don’t worry, I’m here for you until the bitter end. That GORO jerk really has it coming now,” the wiseman said, but still retaining a totally neutral position on the matter.

“Y-you were a good friend,”  Kiryu said, “worthy of the privilege...gauughh,” he said before dying.

The wiseman dropped Kiryu’s goro'd body in relief, “ah finally that guy’s dead!” He then ran up to GORO, “Man, was that guy lame or what!?”

“Agh! The WASP to my Paul Rudd!”  GORO the dildo dragon said using his 3 brain cells and 45 chromosomes trying to remember his Marvel Movie trivia.

It was then GORO knew what he had to do. He had to stop all the clan members that were comin' through. So he followed the logical course of action and clowned himself 500 times so that the Goronian Empire could finally be productive.

GORO stood over his empire of middle-schooners and master Pokemon basters, tapping his elongated and yellow nails together.

“Oooooh, this will be more devilish then that time I had Professor Pester steal and burn the Lazy Note so it would not be used against me!”

[An animated clip of Professor Pester doing such will be added in the special edition of this story]

Continuing the cameo train, the mighty Highlander The Groiper kicked open the door to rouse three whole minutes of applause from the audience. He did the most ep*c smug pepe face for the camera!

“Fellow Heart React The Groiper, so good to see you! I have a special errand I need of you, and for reward I'll grant you three pictures of a big tiddied goth gf, if you were to accept of course.” GORO slimed.

The Groiper was then armed with three bottles of reddit-juice UNTIL GORO’s lawyer emailed the authors to cease writing this story; naturally because he asked so nicely--we did.

GORO, Professor Pester, and The Groiper went on to back stay bed each other to death backstage and lived happily ever after.

Fins are on fish.

GORO is really REALLY cool